By Miles Krol, founder of Milesfit
The holidays are a time of the year of mixed-emotions. Joy/sorrow, happiness/depression, love/hate, etc. The holidays are a period where your typical day-to-day halts to a certain degree and your consciousness starts to pierce though different areas of your life (you see the people around you, the environments in which you find yourself, some of your fears/shame/emotions, etc.) Lots of self-reflection (or just lots of booze and food to run/hide from some deep-truths!)
As things surface, we always have two choices: 1) numb things out or 2) make some changes.
1) Numbing Things Out
Numbing things out is the path of least resistance. It’s sweeping the elephant (or elephants) under the rug somehow. We can miraculously distract ourselves with other thoughts, food, alcohol, socializing, etc. We find a way because we must. We can’t have deep-truths crashing into our reality (otherwise we’d have to take on the responsibility of these energies and do something with them versus the hot potatoes we can toss aside). This is the flight, numb, or façade response. Run, detach, or literally become someone else! We’re quite unique creatures in terms of our innate emotional survival mechanisms (survival of our identities and how our persona relates to our family, friends, peers – AKA our micro-modern-day tribes). If you’re not accepted, you’re alone. If you’re alone, your odds of living (being accepted and existing within a group) decreases. It’s all about survival, being accepted, and feeling loved (even if the foundation of these human needs is rooted in in-authenticity and self-deception). We do what we got to do to see the next day, right?
2) Make Some Changes
This is the tough one. The whale we don’t know how to eat (and don’t know where to even start chewing). It’s a slap of overwhelm with a sprinkling of daunting tasks, and a splash of “how the F do I get this done?” Welcome to the challenge of change: seat for two? (Your current self versus your future potential self). FYI: your future self is allergic to BS (so be sure to tell the waiter ... or perhaps just look in the mirror in the washroom and tell yourself). Either way, vocalizing the "truth" to self (AKA awareness) starts the engine!
The battle! We typically resort to numbing things out, running away, or faking in some capacity, because frankly making change is hard! How do you take your current identity (a compilation of all your past experiences and who people think you are today) and start to dismantle and reconfigure that? Quite the tall order (and I’m talking so tall that you need a few pairs of clown stilts duct-taped and stacked up on top of each other to even start seeing anything!) Why bother? Or, perhaps the better question is: why not bother? Hmm.
To break apart one’s current identity is like trying to split an atom. Hard to do, but if you do it, wow, what a release of energy (and a powerful force of destruction). Destruction in this sense is the gateway to construction (construction of your new identity, new habits, and ultimately your new outcomes). This is the cycle of life. This is the non-beaten path. The road traveled by few. It’s a dark and lonely place (and a place where you risk losing the things, people, and circumstances around you). This is the unknown (uncharted territory where you may be walking next to only your shadow). A scary place if you want to live and survive (metaphorically and perhaps actually).
There is no wrong or right choice. That’s what I’ve learned in my life. There just is what is and how you feel about what is (and what you ultimately want in your life). Your emotional response to this soup of thoughts is your divine compass (your spiritual dowsing rod). You know what you need to do (or not do). Only you can conclude that (that's intuition). No one can tell you what’s right or what’s wrong (and frankly, there is no right or wrong). There are just choices and consequences (Isaac Newton said it best – for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction). Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn! There's the journey of life and the observation of it unfolding.
Perhaps, life is very simple. Perhaps, at the core of things, it’s all just about happiness?
Let’s consider that.
What is happiness?
What it is NOT:
Happiness is not a future destination (that's the illusion). We're led to believe that it's something to perpetually chase and reach for.
A NEW definition:
Happiness is a state of mind (a state of being). It's a choice (one of surrender and gratitude). A detachment from the disappointment and regret of the past and a detachment from the worry and anxiety of the future. The power of "NOW" is the power of the present moment (the power of being in your heart in love versus your mind/ego in conflict).
Could all that you want/need/desire be simply wrapped up in a realization that you’re enough, you’re loved, and that you don’t have to do anything to earn your worth? Could such a perspective shift allow you to transcend suffering and embrace the deepest of truths?
Perhaps you don’t need to sprint around anymore depleting yourself trying to get somewhere that doesn’t exist (there is no rainbow to chase and certainly no pot of gold at the end of it - you've been duped by an imaginary leprechaun).
Love yourself and be yourself – that is all.
The rest might just take care of itself.
Wishing all of you an amazing Holiday season and lots of love and joy in 2020!
Your destiny awaits you.